things i’ll never say:

lately, i’ve been searching for you in every person i meet. i miss the serenity your eyes encompassed while you spent early mornings studying the sky. maybe that’s just something i’ll never find. some days, i search for a similar peace in eyes of others but nothing compares. i often find myself exploring each and every one of their stories for hours on end, to know not one was as compelling as yours. i miss how everything was so calm before. now i lie here, pondering on the idea of acceptance, how my words linger upon all that could have happened but didn’t. my heart tries to decipher whether you were a blessing or a lesson. i close my eyes to see vivid memories of you holding me, just like how the moon holds the stars in hope that they’ll never disappear. see, i never thought the desire of missing you would be so severe. it’s as if you set fire to my soul, my mind is now in commotion filled with burning emotions, endless confusion, yet my heart remains so cold. maybe i’m someone who let their happiness leave, all i seem to have now is the emptiness of broken promises, lost dreams. there’s silence in my cries, pain in my screams, maybe i’ll never find peace. i guess you can say, i’m left with the bitter taste of wishful thinking and continuous regret, your words are the ones i wish i could forget. see, i was your favourite book that you had memorised, until one day you tore out my pages and eventually left me behind. i wonder if you’re reading a new book now, maybe you’ve started a new chapter, maybe you’ll find your happily ever after. but me, i sit here relentlessly waiting for placidity to arrive. i guess it’s time to take care of my own heart for a while, so no more missing you or waiting for someone new. i’ve made a promise to love myself this time. 

                 ~maysablogs