often / loveless
i think of us
often
how we’ll shrink and wrinkle over time
how maybe just maybe we’ll rest together when the reaper comes
i’ve imagined it
so often
more often than a young person should
but when i think of how we love each other
all i see
is the end of our lives
worn hands tracing the lines etched by time
the same crinkles by your eyes since 25
maybe your hair is gone or small grey strands pepper your head i haven’t decided
perhaps
our bones may ache
but the weight of your ribs against mine salves the soreness that time has bestowed upon us
our house
empty of our children but full of all the memories we’ve created
now bottled in jars for us to drink and savour when we speak sweet nothings in the night
you’ll whisper to me in your mother tongue
by now i believe i’m fluent
deep chuckles and soft breathing
i know i’ll still want to kiss you
no matter how much time changes us
it may not be passionate like our greetings at the airport
or burn like the nights spent at your apartment
yet
i know
it won’t be chaste like our goodbyes before work
or so swift that no one catches us in your dressing room
you’ll still hold me firm like you always have
and kiss the space between my brows to help me sleep
our gentle caresses lull us goodnight
maybe never to wake up
never to see our physical forms again
and yet
i know
i’ll still think of you
still think of us
often
by m.c.
loveless
what’s worse, speaking my true feelings or to die without revealing that you crawled inside my head and lit a fire there instead? you don’t seem to know me like i know myself. can you tell i do my own healing, always concealing the scariest parts of me. spent years reading between your lines yet you never cared enough to look through mine. perhaps the love i created was twisted and my heart should be blacklisted because love, it takes hostages. it eats you from the inside, tugging on your heartstrings, often misleading you to believe its beauty is harmless. i waited for you to dive deep underneath my depths to see how far you could get without falling to regret. so tell me, do you regret speaking to me so easily that summer’s evening while the sky witnessed your heart be deceiving. see you opened me up and made me spill my guts just to leave me. often i lay in bed bleeding but i refuse to let it show. i refuse to let them know that i wanted to be wanted by you but your love remained unrequited and disfigured. perhaps caution in love is the most fatal to true happiness? i’ve played it out, the pain i’ve shouldered over and over, longing to regain my innocence but it’s completely useless.
now i’m loveless, feeling so loveless.
~maysablogs
Comments