friday 11th september,

i’m staring at the clouds, you know i hate this weather. 

Lord knows i could use some sleep to get better.

lately, i’ve been in the backseat to my own life,

i’m trying to take control, trying to make it out alive, this time

i don’t want to be medicated, refuse to go through that war,

i don’t want to be numb to feelings, 

don’t want my mental health to be a burden anymore.

see, the chaos has its hands around my neck, 

strangling me so i’m gasping for breath. 

i close my eyes just to see, my demons staring back at me,

mocking me constantly, saying this pain won’t ever leave, 

i need these voices in my head to cease.

i pray God relieves this stress,

this is more than just “she’s depressed, she’ll get over this”.

see, this anxiety has me obsessed, i’m terrified of who i’ll break next. 

i want to worry less, to finally control the darkness inside my head,

but some days i do wish i was dead, though maybe not in that context.

i just want somewhere to rest, somewhere peaceful to lay my head

and forget about the issues that press against my aching chest.

but the chaos has lit a fire inside me that you just can’t see

and i can’t seem to put it out no matter how loud i scream.

i pray God gives me the strength to overcome this test, 

but as of right now i’m a mess, stuck in an eternal cycle of distress. 

so please don’t tell me it’s all just in my head 

or my feelings are too taboo to address.

everything is so difficult for me to digest, it’s all too perplexed,

i’m trying so hard to progress but this chaos is far too intense.

i pray the conflict in my mind comes to an end 

and eventually peace fills my head instead.

            ~maysablogs