anxiety, 00:36am

the waves of common uncertainty,

the sound of my heart, beating out of control,

now i’m left with my grieving soul.

on the edge, too high, a tightrope of feelings.

i’m distracted by the trauma of not being fine,

if i step to the right, i could lose my whole life.

my thoughts making weak the walls of solitude,

refusing to break the binds of misconstrued.

longing to move freely, to finally see clearly.

don’t panic on the threshold, mustn’t look down.

my mind is killing me, becoming my own worst enemy,

why can’t i turn back the time, make it out alright?

am i destined to burn or will i last the night?

like the breaking type, scarred from all the lies,

i just want to breathe like i’m part of the sea.

feelings are black and blue, i’m numb and i can’t undo.

36 minutes of partial consciousness is

2160 seconds searching for reassurance.

the silence is so loud, overbearing, why can’t you hear it?

my hands, they pay respect to what they once could bear,

trying to hold onto ambiguity.

my head spins left and right

continuously torn between apathy, clarity, normality.

am i serving a purpose in a life that hurts?

bound to its surface, suppressed and reserved?

unknowing of my worth, now imprisoned in pain

with only myself to blame, again and again and again.

i’m terrified to see what comes after this,

feeling darker than this whole abyss.

i‘m becoming my sorrow with nothing left to show.

too frail, too fragile to break out of this box,

maybe it’s too late to tell it to stop.

                           ~ maysablogs