6 poems. 1 journey to peace of mind.

-distortion, demolition, destruction

my mind is a messy place tangled and filled with confusion. feelings that i can no longer face begin to create a distortion. they eat away at my soul, violent and angry for peace. my thoughts won’t leave me alone, they are calling out to be freed. the flowers on my tongue reaching for the bouquet of speech that heals. but in comes a wave of demolition, drowning what the words may reveal. my heart is stone, my hands are cold, my mind is now a hurling destruction.

-dear darkness,

you consume me.

they say darkness cannot drive out darkness, it’s light that brings peace.

where do i go when the light i’m in search of no longer exists?

one does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light.

how can i be substantial if i cannot cast a shadow?

no matter how deeply i dive into myself, i’m submerged in black,

like a webbing made of a hundred roots

that drink in the silence of the darkness that consumes me.

-3.18 am

this constant ache slowly drives me to insanity, as if i am set aflame.

the fire inside me is a combination of regret and defeat.

perhaps there is a limit to the grieving a human heart can do.

sometimes i feel everything all at once, sometimes i feel nothing at all.

constantly torn between drowning beneath the waves or dying from the thirst.

the nostalgia for what never was, the desire of what could have been.

they say the pain is temporary, it’ll flee. the wounds will heal and i will soon know peace.

-last year

last year, my heart felt uneasy, as though it was balancing on a window ledge. far too scared to fall yet too broken to remain. it stood somewhere in the middle with uncertainty, where easiest of decisions seemed so far fetched. unrealistic. unimaginable. unobtainable. answers were riddles and riddles became illusions. this year, there is easiness that finds its way home in the breeze. my heart now warmer, slowly finding its peace. my hands no longer shake, my mind is becoming clear, freeing itself from old mistakes. the window ledge is still in view but now there is no risk of falling.

-a note from me to you:

i write your name on an empty page of a notebook that carries all of my thoughts.

suddenly, the page seems so full.

our memories fill in the blank spaces of the words i cannot seem to find.

words are not enough, they never are, yet i hold onto them just like the way you held onto my heart when it was far too heavy for me to bear.

you are home. you are peace.

you are tear stained ink on pages of poetry for those quiet, cold nights where i’d sit by the window wondering where our loved disappeared to.

you are the thoughts i cannot say, the feelings i can no longer explain.

i trace over your name with my index finger and bring the notebook closer to my chest.

you made as beautiful to write about.

-a note for myself:

your shattered heart stumbles across thorns embedded within a rose, why can’t you see there is beauty laced in the pain you endure? there are gardens decorated with the sharpest of nettles, yet beauty still exists, in every single flower and all its petals. rain drops fall so the ground becomes flooded, yet the roots remain strong allowing the flower to grow. for every single drop of rain is God’s mercy falling down. yes, there is pain but the greens of the garden still remain. the sun will rise, the rain will ease and you will bloom like a beautiful spring bouquet. darling you will find peace, if you kneel down and pray.

                                                      

                                                                                                                                        ~ maysablogs